i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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