I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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