Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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