My friends, they love my intelligence
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
