if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
