i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
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As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
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I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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