Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize