chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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