i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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