apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
