I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
