see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
