Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
