When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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