Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
