I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
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I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
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In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Someone stole a lamp last night.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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