So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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