well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
