i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
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Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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