what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
