i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
