Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
