I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Im part way to drunk.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
