as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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