why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
