I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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