Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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