ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
