Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
