Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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