im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
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So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
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I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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