All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
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So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
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She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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