also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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