Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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