I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize