Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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