Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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