i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
