that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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