goodnight i made you a song goodbye
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
false alarm, still single
Randomize
