he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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