so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
