You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
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A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
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My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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