Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
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I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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