don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
