I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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