My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
