I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
