Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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