I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
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I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
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I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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