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• (772): View more from Florida

  you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.

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  Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...

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  Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?

  (206): View more from Washington

  Found out I'm pregnant.

  (425): View more from Washington

  I'll stick with pneumonia.

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