I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
