I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
