Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
