**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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