3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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