so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
