it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My liver just broke up with me...
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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