i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
