Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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