Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
