So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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