Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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