you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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