alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
