so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
