Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
