I'm gonna have a badass scar
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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