Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
